transient_orange: (pretty)
[personal profile] transient_orange
I am way, way, way off.

I'm moody again. I pick fights without meaning to. I cry at the drop of a hat. My tolerance level is at an all time low. I hate having chemical imbalances/hormone problems.

Yes, you can worry. I'm worried. I feel like a nutcase - and I know part of it's to do with my thyroid and the damn chemical deficiencies in my own god forsaken head.

When this happens, the past comes and hits me up beside the head. I'm still figuring out what emotional scars I have and what they do to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm completely and utterly fucked.

So, without the help of modern medicine, I would probably be committed and doped up to epic proportions. Even doctor's are stupid and don't look for the right things - it's always the goddamned easy way out. So if you know a witch doctor - send me their way. If you know some aliens, perhaps they can probe me and tell me more. If you care, just send your love, because I'm feeling really, really insecure and sensitive right now.

I'll make it. I'll fix things, but right now rock bottom seems damned close and I've got my spork to try to dig further.

Date: 2006-02-15 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*huge hugs* I can understand this all too well...I've been using herbs for postpartum depression for months, but it really doesn't seem that they're having the same effect they once did. I'm swinging all over the place, just completely manic. It's not a fun place to be. :/

Date: 2006-02-15 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*tight hugs back* What kind of herbs have you been using?

I don't get manic, unfortunately, or fortunately. It's hard to pick in that sense. I just hate the feeling of watching myself lose it and feel like there's nothing I can do. That's when I know things have fallen to the wayside and I need to do something.

I hope you find something that helps. You've got my thoughts and love, mama.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-02-15 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*nods* I've had those moments when someone's done something that I didn't even know would set me off - and then it's either a flood or I fly off the handle. Neither is pretty.

I think I'm going to do the shower in a bit. Something about water helps - don't know if it's symbolic or just comforting, but it helps.

*hugs* Thanks hon.

Date: 2006-02-15 06:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm not a wich doctor, but I have been known to shrink heads. Talk to me. I can tell you need to.

And medicine can only take one so far in the relm of emotions and the mind. Confiding with friends and working through problems helps so much more. Trust me, I've hit this point more than once, and I've hit rock bottom. You still have people that care about you and love you. You're nowhere near rock bottom.

Peace and Penguins,

Date: 2006-02-15 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Really, I'm just having a hard time keeping control. My moods swing far and wide - though not really ever manic. It's rare that I get manic. I'm looking for an Endo to go to - someone that specializes in these things, but I'm going to the normal doctor today - well the crappy normal nurse that tries to fix everything with antibiotics. I will talk, I need to talk. It just sucks so hard when I feel like I'm watching myself from the outside.

Date: 2006-02-15 06:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*much much hugging*
Tell me something, how often do you look out the window at the sky, and / or how much sun does your place get?
Sometimes, silly as it sounds, sunlight helps. Or even regular electric light. It's not much but turn on your lights up high. I think I read somewhere about sunlight affecting people somewhat? I don't just mean SAD. I don't know if it really does anything other than being distracting, but it seems to work for me. I turn my lights on, all of them, as bright as they'll go, when I get to feeling bad. It seems to help a bit. Maybe I'm part plant? :) Seriously, maybe it'd help you a little ?

I can't medicate much for my moods, just a little (a quarter mg/day), because it causes other medication I take to basically not work :( So I try and find other things to help my moods. Worry stones, focusing on sorting things, collecting pretty things, whatever catches my attention. Somehow it's relaxing, but it builds clutter like you wouldn't believe. Not a problem, going through it to throw out what I don't need anymore helps too. Its all one thing: distraction. Focusing on the moods doesn't help me at all.
(I can't help but focus on the moods, they get so bad, but I try not to because it just makes them worse, feeds them in a way.)
Digging isn't a bad idea, not if you really do it. My gardening is one of the things I do to help relax. They are good plants, bloom in winter and don't mind if I ignore them for a couple of weeks. Working on them is distracting, and has a pretty result :)
It's the same reason I'm cooking more. Those recipes need concentration to do right. Distraction with a tasty result :)
I realize you're talking about serious mood swings, that needs serious distracting.
Or paint your nails or something to make yourself feel prettier, because you know, don't you, that when you feel prettier you are prettier? :)
Feel and watch what you're doing. Get your senses involved, not just your mind :)

I wish I could offer something more constructive. I wish you could come visit, I wanna hug you in person and feed you warm chicken soup and crunchy crackers with you all wrapped up in a fuzzy warm blanket I have :):)
*much worry* *much love sent to you* *many hugs*

Date: 2006-02-15 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
How can I ever thank you for the love you've given? You've moved yourself right into my heart and help so much.

I'm going to try to get a worry stone - something that feels right. I love my hematite, but I think I need something more colorful.

I do need to work on focusing on my senses and I always forget that I have seasonal depression. I always get worse in the winter. It's beautiful out right now and I'll take some time outside after I go to the doctor.

You've offered me a lot. Your thoughts, your words, your ideas - they all help. I will be up to visit. I will hug you in person, hopefully very soon.

You are amazing - never forget that. I want to be like you - you seem so much more positive than I am. I'm working on it. I'm trying. Thanks for helping. *many hugs and much love*

Date: 2006-02-15 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
seriously, though. I know it's hard, hon, but we're here for you. The medications are doing their thing, and it's just going to be bumpy for a while until they level everything out. We know not to take things personally as your horomones play kickball with your emotions. We'll get through this.

Date: 2006-02-15 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I worry so much about the one's I love. I know that you guys care and that you'll see me through it, but damn it, I don't want that emotional ball hitting you in the head. I feel like I'm broken, but I know it can be fixed. I'm really worried about how I'm going to be emotionally this weekend. All I can ask is patience and understanding and I'll do all I can to stay as stable as possible. I'm probably not going to be very huggy, and damn it all, I split my lip with my tooth - what can I say, I'm an idiot sometimes, but I want to be there. I want to spend time with you and see Fangs again. I'll make this work damn it.


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