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Thinking out loud, for me...
Mar. 4th, 2006 01:39 pmI've always had a problem with miserable people. Well, I still do, but now it's I don't want to deal with them and don't want them in my life. I can't understand people that go out of their way to be miserable or to make others miserable.
When I was younger and on my crusade to save the people around me or at least try to help them, I seemed to collect a large group of the "misery loves company" crowd. I've always tried to be very forthcoming about who I am and what I think and didn't want anyone to be miserable. That's why I spent four years of self-induced hell with my ex, because I wanted things to be better for her and her kids, even if it was at my expense. What made that even harder was she expected it of me, guilted me on it, and basically was a miserable human being no matter what. I was blind to the fact that, well, that's who she is. She's misery at it's finest and I let her induce that on me.
I had other friends that acted like that afterward. Notice the past tense of the word had. I am actively removing these people from my life - because the first thing I don't need is drama, the second thing I don't need is misery. Life is tough enough without making it harder - not my life, not your life, not anyone elses. I never understood why anyone would actively work to make others dislike them, it's made no sense to me at all. Hell, I don't even know why people do their best to actively dislike others. I never saw the point. I think everyone gets an equal chance. If they prove to be a downer, well, they can do that on their own time. No one should take my time, and I shouldn't take anyone elses time. That's not beneficial in the slightest, and well, take this as you will, I want my friendships to be beneficial.
Misery is not fun. It's not cool, hip, rad, or keen. It's not something that gets you the girls or the boys, it doesn't pay the bills, cook your meals, or make you hot. It doesn't add to your life, it removes possibilities and ruins the quality of life. Why the hell would I want to do that? Why the hell would I want to associate with that? There comes a point when you have to look at things realistically and decide if the misery outways the benefits. I'm not saying that I hate the miserable people, but if I've tried, been a friend, and nothing comes of it, there's no point in me wasting my time. I've got a life to live, I've got things to do, bills to pay, adventures to have, and friends to make. I'm not letting people hold me back or push me down. I want more out of this life, and I want to give more. I want to be able to hold people's hands and skip in the puddles. I want to enjoy what I have and make more than that. I want to create a better me - and in doing so, make other people's lives better just by being a better me!
I just never realized how much self-loathing people have bothered me. I never realized that I had made a crusade to try to make them better. It's not my crusade anymore. It's not my problem. I'm not miserable. I'm cynical, I'm skeptical, I'm a jaded optimist, but I'm not miserable. I want to be the best I can be and that takes time. I don't want to make anyone else hurt and I don't want to be a dick to other people, just because I feel like shit. So, I'm climbing upward, I'm doing my best to understand me right now. I'm going to enjoy the sunshine, the puddles, and the mud. I'm going to understand that not everything has to do with me, and that I'm important to some people and those are the people that matter. I'm gonna cherish those people, 'cause they rock. And I'm gonna let go of the others - because they really don't need me wasting my time or there's.
I'm happy right now, 'cause I realized this. I'm happy, because I learned something. I don't want people to dislike me, but I will accept it, but I'll know it's not because I'm miserable.
When I was younger and on my crusade to save the people around me or at least try to help them, I seemed to collect a large group of the "misery loves company" crowd. I've always tried to be very forthcoming about who I am and what I think and didn't want anyone to be miserable. That's why I spent four years of self-induced hell with my ex, because I wanted things to be better for her and her kids, even if it was at my expense. What made that even harder was she expected it of me, guilted me on it, and basically was a miserable human being no matter what. I was blind to the fact that, well, that's who she is. She's misery at it's finest and I let her induce that on me.
I had other friends that acted like that afterward. Notice the past tense of the word had. I am actively removing these people from my life - because the first thing I don't need is drama, the second thing I don't need is misery. Life is tough enough without making it harder - not my life, not your life, not anyone elses. I never understood why anyone would actively work to make others dislike them, it's made no sense to me at all. Hell, I don't even know why people do their best to actively dislike others. I never saw the point. I think everyone gets an equal chance. If they prove to be a downer, well, they can do that on their own time. No one should take my time, and I shouldn't take anyone elses time. That's not beneficial in the slightest, and well, take this as you will, I want my friendships to be beneficial.
Misery is not fun. It's not cool, hip, rad, or keen. It's not something that gets you the girls or the boys, it doesn't pay the bills, cook your meals, or make you hot. It doesn't add to your life, it removes possibilities and ruins the quality of life. Why the hell would I want to do that? Why the hell would I want to associate with that? There comes a point when you have to look at things realistically and decide if the misery outways the benefits. I'm not saying that I hate the miserable people, but if I've tried, been a friend, and nothing comes of it, there's no point in me wasting my time. I've got a life to live, I've got things to do, bills to pay, adventures to have, and friends to make. I'm not letting people hold me back or push me down. I want more out of this life, and I want to give more. I want to be able to hold people's hands and skip in the puddles. I want to enjoy what I have and make more than that. I want to create a better me - and in doing so, make other people's lives better just by being a better me!
I just never realized how much self-loathing people have bothered me. I never realized that I had made a crusade to try to make them better. It's not my crusade anymore. It's not my problem. I'm not miserable. I'm cynical, I'm skeptical, I'm a jaded optimist, but I'm not miserable. I want to be the best I can be and that takes time. I don't want to make anyone else hurt and I don't want to be a dick to other people, just because I feel like shit. So, I'm climbing upward, I'm doing my best to understand me right now. I'm going to enjoy the sunshine, the puddles, and the mud. I'm going to understand that not everything has to do with me, and that I'm important to some people and those are the people that matter. I'm gonna cherish those people, 'cause they rock. And I'm gonna let go of the others - because they really don't need me wasting my time or there's.
I'm happy right now, 'cause I realized this. I'm happy, because I learned something. I don't want people to dislike me, but I will accept it, but I'll know it's not because I'm miserable.
