transient_orange: (Default)
So today's headache is brought to me by Tension - meaning frustration and just stuff.

My frustration is stemmed by the people questioning me. Questioning my commitment to Sparkle Motion™. Sparkle Motion™ could be anything in life, but it makes it more colorful to put that in the place of X. My commitment to anything is a very personal thing. I failed at being a Christian, because I didn't want to be a hypocrite (you can ponder that one for a bit). I failed at dating, 'cause I didn't want to string someone along. I failed at x, y, or z, because people questioned my motives, my choices, my commitment too goddamned much. And now I realize, fuck 'em. Let people question what I'm doing. Not my problem, because those questions aren't mine. I know what I'm doing, however well or badly I'm doing at it. It's my choice to do it, and whether not I become the best Sparkle Motion™ dancer is between me, myself, and I.

See, it's one of those things. I'm not hurting anyone else by my choice of this commitment, it's completely mine. Sparkle Motion™ right now is sword. Yes, I realize I don't practice enough. I've never practiced enough at anything, but I'm trying. I'm giving it a chance. I'm not the best at physical things, I know this and realize that anything I choose to do is an uphill battle, but it's my fucking battle. No one else is going to suffer, if I suck at it. No one else is going to be sitting there with a bokken, while everyone else has graduated to steel. No one else is feeling like an idiot when I fuck something up. And it's glorious.

I used to play piano, and gods it was a struggle. I can't carry a tune in a bucket, and I'm pretty much tone deaf. I can read music, but I'm not so hot at timing, and yet, I still try. Yeah, right now I haven't played in awhile, mostly because anytime I have tried to play, E immediately wants to jam together. I appreciate his fervor and interest, but honestly, despite years of trying, I still suck. I play for enjoyment, because I can't play in a band or even really do well enough to do a recital. It takes time, energy, and desire for me to get a piece right and when I do, the pleasure is mine. If others want to listen, awesome, but my father made me shy about it, because every time I hit a sour note, he made sure to tell me. It got to a point that I'd tell him that he could play the goddamned thing, if he thought he could do better. That shut him right up.

Knitting, on the other hand, I can actually do better than almost anything else I've tried my hand at. For some reason pointy sticks and lengths of yarn can become something beautiful and useful. My own attempts at creating things have ranged from decent to gods awful. I love trying to make toys, but my attempts are hideous at best. I have a fuzzy green Cthulhu peanut-shaped thing with a red fez on - he's hideous, but I love him, because I made him. With time I might be able to create beautiful things, but at the moment, I still flounder.

Another thing I'm passably good at is picking out flavors. I attempt to cook, and sometimes it comes out awesome. Other times the idea was good, but the execution belongs in the gallows. I'm not so hot at the cooking part, which is why I'll point E in a direction and say, "Please, try this!" When I ask, usually the idea comes out pretty darned good, but when I do it, there is a 50/50 chance that it may end up awful.

So yeah, I'm not so hot at doing stuff. I try and somethings I'll continue blundering through until either a light bulb finally goes off over my head, or I decide that it is purely for my own enjoyment. Sometimes I quit, because well, it wasn't really my thing to begin with, and I realize that there is nothing wrong with that.

What I have gotten out of going to the dojo that is useful is amazing. Little things like opening jars for myself, being able to avoid tripping over things, being able to get off the couch without having to use my arms, actually being able to do a push up, and slowly upping my catching reflexes. These things are good, and things I notice. Do they really help others? Maybe in little ways, mostly time saving. But if this is the trade off I get for feeling like a three year old with a really large stick, then maybe the way I'm doing things isn't so horrible. I don't know if I'll ever be hardcore or a black belt, but that wasn't the goal. My goal has been to learn balance, to get in better shape, and finally defend myself, if I need to. I'd much rather warn someone off, than actually whack them with a broom, but if the situation presents itself, I know that I can at least get a good one in, before I run like a little girl and find someone bigger to help me.
transient_orange: (Default)
I woke up with a headache today. I'm gonna blame that on the sudden arrival of summer and the last of the crazy pollen that California seems to drum up. While this sucked, I had a few good points to a day that could have really crappy.

First was, Jen posting her works in progress on her blog. She's making each of her bridesmaids a shawl and had us each pick our yarn, and our pattern. So I chose the yarn and chose a pattern that I love, but knew I would never do, and Jen, the crazy little creature she is, tackled it and added beads. But the pictures she took of it make me want to cuddle it. So shiny and pretty, she spoils us. I must plan proper retaliation. :)

Second, I got to talk with my niece on AIM. We just basically spent time talking about random things and just enjoying each other's company. I have to call her mom tomorrow, I have a bunch of stuff to share with her and I know she likes the phone calls a little more than the AIM messages, or spotty WoW conversations we have.

Third, I went to lay down, because of my headache, and the phone rings. I groan, but get up to get it, because E should be home soon. Sure enough it was him and I was greeted with, "Put on your pants and shoes and come outside. Don't ask any questions." I had my pants on thankfully, so I just needed to slip on my shoes. I grabbed my purse, just in case, and went out the door. He tells me we're going for a walk, that he wants to show me something. So he leads me up to the local park/pasture and I hear a sound. It's sounds like a baby animal.

My first thought was ooh, maybe there was a cow and a calf nearby, but no, there was an entire flock of sheep! Big ones, little ones, horned ones, and wooly ones! I did some research and found out that some of them are Jacob sheep (otherwise known as piebald sheep). A lot of the males had gnarly horns, and some of them had four! I'd never seen a sheep with four horns before! So we walked from one end of where there were to the other, a bit further up the hill. I stopped and oohed over the little ones. One little lamb was following it's mother around and decided it was time to nurse right then. I learned right then and there that lambs do not nurse gently, but at the same time, its little tail was wagging like a little fan. So very cute! I'm thinking of going and taking pictures tomorrow.

Other than that, things have been okay. It looks like this summer is going to be busy, between Josh visiting this weekend, the Fourth of July coming up, E having a business trip in July, my birthday, then E's mom coming to visit, and then maybe his sister coming out for a little bit. I hope that we can get at least one trip into San Francisco in, as well as Monterey. I want to be a proper tourist for a little while.

On the crappy front, need to get a home blood pressure thing so I can prove to my doctor that I do not have high blood pressure and that it's just my damned anxiety that made it seem wonky. She didn't pay attention to me saying I have white coat syndrome, but when the nurse came into take my bp again, she said it was on the high side of normal. I guess I need to buy the Honey Nut Cheerios™ for my cholesterol while I'm at it. The doctor said she didn't want to put me on blood pressure medication yet, because she feels it's a matter of when, not if. Thanks, like I need another pill on top of the plethora of other medications I have to take each day.

Thinking about the medications that I do have to take, while I realize that I could choose not to take any of them, only one is truly by choice, and that's my birth control. The allergy medicine is so I can sleep at night and the others are so I can try to be a productive member of society (because there is something like a very cuddly Hulk living in my head and it doesn't understand that we don't love like jackhammer, that's only for special people).

Speaking of society, think I'm gonna hit the knitting group tomorrow night. It's not far away, and I guess they were giving the local Starbucks enough sales, that the Starbucks recently closed for renovations and now has a lovely big table to one side and plenty of couches and coffee tables around. It should be very comfy.

And this concludes our spotty broadcast for today!
transient_orange: (Default)
A couple of weeks ago when I picked up the "Patron" yarn, I also picked up two circular needles to try knitting socks on.

I have been a huge fan of dpn's* since I've started knitting and was very resistant to trying other knitting in the round techniques. Doing magic loop** (having a circular needle - two points with a large cable running in between) was okay - a bit troublesome at first and I've used it only to do hats and other larger projects.

But deciding to try knitting on two smaller circulars has become my new favorite method. I like it much better for socks, I don't have to worry about poking my own eye out with one of the numerous double-pointed ends - this makes me really glad that I do wear glasses, and I'm quite certain I would have done some damage to my eyes at some point.***Two small circulars means that I can put place markers on them and not have to worry about them getting flung into infinity or the black hole that resides in the couch.

So socks are being worked on. Turned the heel and am working on the home stretch of the rest of the foot - should be cake.

More knitting talk )


Feb. 7th, 2010 02:08 pm
transient_orange: (sweet devil)
I have a love/hate relationship with them.

I love getting weird socks. The tackier the better. I've got them with penguins, snowmen, black cats, foxes, spiderwebs, reindeer, ducks, bunnies, cows, and other odd things. I love picking up holiday socks and try to as often as possible.

This being said, you'd think that I'd like knitting socks more. For some reason, I'm picky when it comes to knitting socks.

I've learned that I really don't like toe-up knitting and it causes me to throw the project aside. I had one that was almost to the heel and then decided to start the other one. I don't mind casting on the toe up socks, it's doing the blasted heel that I honestly dislike. I don't mind doing the heel when it's top down, even though I inevitable screw it up each time. There are never the amount of stitches to pick up that the pattern claims there should be. I'm doing something wrong.

But when I find a pattern I like, it makes it worth it. I've only made one complete pair of socks and I'm starting my second pair now. I've got most of the leg down and am working my way down to turn the heel and then attach the gussets. It seems like a strange language that I'm speaking here, because even a year ago I would have been confused and asked what the hell is a "gusset"? I don't even know how to explain it to the non-knitter, other than it's how you attach the heel to the rest of the sock.

More knitting talk and thoughts on my mother )
transient_orange: (Kiss kiss)
1: Finished my first ever knitted arm warmer! Got to finish its sibling. Efrain loves them and wants a pair of his own! Can't wait to try to make a cabled pair after this set. If all goes well, I can make a bunch of these to have around, give to loved ones, and once I feel comfortable, I'll knit my own socks!

Knitting is turning out to be a lot of fun. I really enjoy the zen-type feeling I get while I'm doing it and the finished project is a great accomplishment! Now if I could just convince Robin that he does not want to play with the bamboo needles or the yarn, I'd be doing things a lot faster.

2: I did most of the rearranging of the bedroom today. We moved the bed to the side of the room, rather than the center. Suddenly there is a lot more room. Moved other furniture to compliment it and have enough room to have other people sleep in the room with us - on the areobed of course.

Again, Robin was in the middle of everything. I don't know if he wants to be part of the fun, or if he's trying to be a royal pain in the ass. Honestly though, he made part of the work harder, because I was moving the cat more than I was moving other stuff. He also kept knocking things over, getting into stuff, and just being a general pain in the butt. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but I wish the hell he would be a little more well behaved sometimes.

The room looks a lot better to me now. Knowing that I have the space to put everything that is in the room where it belongs, or looks like it belongs. I know the cats will be a pain in the collective ass about the windows still, but I'm not directly next to it anymore, so I don't have to worry about cat ass in my face. As sad as it will be, there will not be something next to my head for Robin to perch on and poke me in the nose with his paw when he wants my attention. He'll just have to do it the old fashion way and walk up the bed, or lay on my back. Nothing wrong with that.

3: Ordered a dress for my friend's wedding. I've found it very hard for me to find proper dresses for weddings anymore. Most people just don't seem to dress up anymore and that makes me sad. I find myself usually overdressed, so I'm going for something comfortable and pretty, good for the occasion and the time of year. Now to find a nice pair of shoes and I'm set - almost three months in advance. Good thing I don't plan to get married, because christ, the mess I'd be in, if I have this hard of a time finding something to just sit in the congregation. I want so much to honor my dear friend on their special day, because to me, going dressed frumpy or in a tubetop and flipflops just not work. It's a special day, it might not be your special day, but it's important to be respectful of the bride and groom.

4: Been reading a lot of sci-fi lately which has been making me think about writing a sci-fi story. Need to get my brain in gear of telling a story so that others will understand it, rather than the kind of disjointed mess you get when you tell yourself a story. I don't know if other people find themselves irritated that their writing doesn't come out the way they envisioned the story to be. I find that because a good number of things come in mental images I need to learn to work on my description of what I'm "seeing", as well as what I'm "hearing" and "feeling" (sense wise). It's something I need to work on.

5: Been making the beginnings of plans to go to Florida, but now I'm finding that I'd also like to go out to the San Jose area for a short visit also. I know that I'll see a lot of people in July at the con, but I'm getting a bit of wander lust. I figure that the trip to Florida will help quite a bit and can't wait to finally see the beaches there and spend time with good friends and have fun playing with kids.

I know there are other good things, but hell, 5 is a great place to stop. Things have been going well and I'm happy that spring is finally here and Rita's is right around the corner, so when I want to get a gelati when ever I want, though right now the teaming crowds of insane Pennsylvanians are keeping me safe in my house away from their monster cravings for flavored ice and gelatis or iced custard.

Okay, of to Chick-fil-A before we go to the movies!


transient_orange: (Default)

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