transient_orange: (corax)
[personal profile] transient_orange
On September 9 I was in a car accident, it was my fault. I tried to take a right hand turn into a parking lot, and hit a Ford instead. Initially, the only damage to my car was that I lost the front bumper, passenger light carriage, and the passenger side fender was crushed near the front. It didn't seem to be that bad - but I'm not a professional.

Yesterday the insurance company called and said it was probably totaled. I finally cried, but I had to hold my head together because I had to go to work. I lost my shit when I got home. I hold the blame, but I'm so happy that no one got hurt. The car protected me, but I wrecked it. I feel guilty and shameful still - not as bad as yesterday, but it still lingers. It is a form of mourning, and I'm not good at mourning. Today we got official word that it was a total loss.

Tomorrow we go to sign off on it and collect what was left in the car. Then over the next week or so, we'll make the decision on what the next car will be. I'll be honest, I loved the audi, and I'd love to get another one, but they are bloody expensive. For what that is worth, they are fantastic cars and beautiful to drive. The A4 was named Eddie, after the ships computer on the Heart of Gold from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

It hurts. I hate wrecking cars. I hate being in car wrecks. I hate the money involved, the time wasted, the paperwork, the running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I feel as though I'm covered with spikes and want to spit acid at anyone that gets too close, I'm not feeling very rational at the moment. My heart aches, but this is coming to a close and it is time to move on. I'll go tomorrow and thank Eddie for keeping me safe, for being a most excellent car. And maybe I'll cry.
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November 2013

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