transient_orange: (corax)
[personal profile] transient_orange
It's been a long time since I last wrote and a lot has changed.

One thing that hasn't changed is that I still continue to go to the dojo. Sword continues to be something I love, though I have not belt tested yet. Aikido continues to be a challenge. I often feel as though I am made of thumbs and left feet, but my stamina and balance have improved, so it seems to be helping, even in small ways. I love the challenges both give me, the lessons they teach, not only for myself, but for whoever I work with. I never believed I could enjoy a physical activity, but I've found something that works for me, that speaks to me.

In October, after years of IBS, anxiety driven
bathroom visits, and enough gas to make me think I may actually be a native of Jupiter, I decided to try going gluten-free. Both E and I were skeptical of the idea, but after three days and a very noticeable lack of gas, we realized there may be a wheat issue. Within a week, my mood improved, my stomach was happier and my life had started a different course.

Such a drastic change in diet is a life altering event. I went from being a bakery junky to nothing, cold turkey. I don't miss it, because I love the lack of pain and freedom more. I was miserable with the things I had always considered safe. How could toast be the enemy?! My beloved grinders and hoagies, pizza and girl scout cookies had betrayed me.

And then something else dawned on me... What if the people I knew that were on diets I didn't/couldn't understand were doing it for the same reason I changed my own diet? That what they were eating now didn't hurt them, where a conventional diet might have been making them as sick as wheat was doing to me? It has been a real eye opening experience.

And it has been a royal pain in the ass. Eating in, I have control over what I use when I'm cooking, but going out I have to be extra careful. There are so many places that I just can't go to anymore, because of the gluten everywhere. Few people now the extent of what I was going through, so let me tell you, I knew where every bathroom was, and some of them I came to know quite intimately, because of how often I visited them.

The freedom of not having to know where the bathroom is is priceless.

This being said, despite the change in my mood, I'm still suffering from depression and some anxiety. I have gone through a mourning period over the diet change, and with the loss of anything, some days are better than others. I notice that my mood is worse when I'm not feeling well, which is more often than I care to admit. I don't talk much about the Hashimoto's to people because it isn't their problem, it's mine. This also comes from watching how my mother has treated my dad all of my
life, like he was faking being ill, and what he is/was feeling is very
real. I expect the same behavior from just about anyone, because they really just don't know the extent of the suck. I can't expect them to, and because of that, I don't feel it is a burden I need to share.

I'm realizing though that I do need to say more, for myself and others. I'm not going to crusade my diet, 'cause I know everyone is different, and what works for me may not work for someone else. I do need to talk about it for my own peace of mind, and for the spreading of knowledge. What I've experienced might help someone else. It may save someone unneeded pain, and I'm all for helping out where I can.
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November 2013

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